As of 7:01 am it's a Happy birthday to the sweetest 8 year old boy in the whole wide world. It took a castor oil cocktail to get him out, but it worked. Sometimes I wish I would have let him camp out in my uterus a little longer so he could stay younger for at least another week. I know, it's all psychological, but I wish I could just freeze time right now... for many reasons.
I never knew how sweet and cute a little boy could be until I laid eyes on him. I had no idea how much a boy could love and show love until he grew and turned into the boy his is today.
Jack routinely pops into our bed after everyone else is tucked in just to talk for a few minutes. He tells me how much he loves to talk to me at night. It's funny because I used to do the same to my mom. I talked about which boy I thought was so cute, or about getting a pony or talking about how awesome Heaven would be. Jack talks about the latest animal documentary he's watched, or the latest intriguing Bible story he's read. He's especially amazed that God could choose a little boy his age to be a king.
When I am having the worst days, he finds me just to pray with me. He wraps his little adventurous hands around mine and prays. He always thanks God first and then tells God of our needs. I am always amazed at the depth of spirit of such a little boy.
Sometimes I worried that he could literally spend hours filling the front grill of the minivan with pea gravel or poke sticks at the wheels. By age 4, he got a hold of my little power drill and changed the bit to a phillips head screw driver so that he could disassemble and reassemble the door knobs. Last year when Ava wanted to learn how to ride with no training wheels, he walked through the living room with a variety of wrenches. About a half hour later, the training wheels were off. He's like a little miniature of his dad.
Yesterday, Jack and Gabriel were riding around the first floor. Gabriel has a battery powered four wheeler. Jack was riding a tricycle behind him. I had the basement door shut, but somewhere in the busyness, it was opened and left ajar. Gabriel has recently developed a fear of descending steps but yesterday, he went right for them. We heard Jack scream "STOP GABRIEL!!! STOP!!!" Jack ran after him. It was too late. Amos ran. I was oblivious as we had been working all morning on insurance issues and hospital bills. It was pure stress. Nothing compared to what we saw next.
Gabriel had tumbled end over end down the basement steps. He was limp. His eyes rolled back in his head. Amos was screaming his name. I called 911. The dispatcher could get nothing out of me because all I could do was say "OH MY GOD, HELP!" over and over again. I kept looking for blood in Gabriel's ears. Nothing. His nose was bleeding, but no blood in his ears. Amos ran out the door and headed to Children's. Jack grabbed his shoes and jumped into the van. He wasn't going let his brother go alone. For a few hellish moments, we thought we were going to lose Gabriel. I dropped on my knees and just prayed. I just kept crying "Oh! MY GOD! MY GOD! Please help Gabriel!" "Why did you let us keep him for almost three years just to take him now?!"
Pretty soon, they returned. Other than a few bruises, Gabriel is okay. He is having a tough time breathing through his nose because of the swelling. I'm so thankful for the carpeted steps. I'm so thankful for God's protective hand on him. I'm so thankful that Gabriel soon requested french fries and to resume his game of chase on the four wheeler. We knew then that he was his little defiant, stubborn and sweet self again. And even though we all walked around in a weepy daze yesterday, we had once again learned how fleeting life is and how uncertain is every single day on this earth.
It was a ripple effect through the family. Our hearts were torn over Jack's reaction because he blamed himself for not stopping Gabriel in time. Amos held him in his arms and told him over and over again that he was doing more than we could ask; being a great big brother to Gabriel. Playing with him and always finding something that they can both do together.
Just last week, Jack was lugging Gabriel in his arms. I watched as he lovingly carried his brother up the hill in our back yard to the house. Not an easy task, even for me. I watched as Jack kissed Gabriel's cheeks and forehead all the way. So sweet and cheerful... until he tripped and fell. They tumbled. Gabriel took an angry swing at Jack when the dust settled. Jack was crying because he was worried about Gabriel, plus he bumped his knee. They were both fine. They hugged and kissed. Best buddies as usual.
Thank God for the gift of these children. For the lessons we learn about God through being parents. For the endless and sometimes irritating chatter and arguments in the back seat of the van. For the noisiness around our kitchen table. For sticky hand rails and toilet paper on the ceilings. For tripping on toys in the dark. For late night chats even when I just want to stare at the back of my eyelids. For buckets full of snakes and toads and turtles. For jars of butterflies and my good pillowcase holding a bird. For wondering if that chipmunk or mouse or snake is going to give my son rabies after they bite him.
God is wise to give us cute helpless looking babies. If they came out at any other stage of life, I'm convinced nobody would want to be parents. If we knew the heart ache we'd face, I'm not sure any of us would take it on. We truly never know what a day will hold for us. Each of our children has had one or more near death experiences and you wonder how anyone can possibly stay alive. And sometimes those we love don't get to stay alive for as long as we'd like.
People like to say "God will never give you more than you can handle." That's not true. We live in a fallen world. We are routinely allowed to experience things too great for us. That's the whole point. We want to give our burdens to someone who can carry the burden for us. That's how we are drawn to God and His awesome power.
That verse, by the way, is pertaining to temptation. God will provide a way of escape. ESCAPE. Think about that word. Again. ESCAPE. To draw a parallel, my dad and his brothers escaped from war. Forever changed. Forever scarred. Nonetheless, they PURSUED and found freedom. They didn't just magically end up here. It was life threatening all the way here. They made it to America. A place completely foreign and somewhere that could only exist in their imaginations until that point. On earth, we aren't just going to be delivered from trials just because we misuse a Bible verse. Sometimes the escape process is painful and leaves deep scars. Sometimes it's harrowing. However, we escape to a refuge in Jesus Christ.
To be real honest, I didn't believe that with all my heart until this current trial. God used a program on the radio called "Unshackled" to change my mind and my heart. I had been on something like a spiritual Weight Watchers diet. You know, keeping track of points but wondering why I wasn't seeing any benefits. When it all "hits the fan" and you start listing off all the ways you thought you'd been faithful to God and all the while wondering how on earth he could let this happen to you. I'd only been faithful to my own desires and lusts for this world. I have routinely white washed my tomb. I have shamed the name of Jesus over and over again through my own selfish and sinful life. I have maintained my "form of godliness but denied the power of God." I truly believe in my heart now that the only righteousness that I claim is through Jesus Christ. Just as God passed over the Hebrews in Egypt when he saw the blood on the door posts, he sees the same when he looks at me. Before Jesus, I was a non believer with no protective covering. Just huddling like a terrified heap as death came to my door. I'm still a quivering heap of sin, but God provided a way for me to be acceptable to him. He made the perfect sacrifice so that he could bring me to him. He made himself suffer so that ultimately, we can be free. God becomes real in trials. Our culture teaches us that we can usually buy our way out of trouble or somehow fix problems that we face. How untrue. We can never be healed until we treat the sickness instead of the symptoms of sin.
If you believe nothing in the Bible, but are open minded, give Jesus a try. What have you got to lose? If you believe you're a believer, (like me) God will reveal to you the depth or lack of your faith. Cling to the word of God. Don't just read books about God or human perceptions of God. Read the book written BY GOD. The Bible. It's a mirror. The ugliness you will see will startle and offend you. Don't stop looking though. Let God give you a makeover, and don't be discouraged by the fact that it won't be complete until we meet him face to face and are made perfect in eternity.
So... happy birthday to Jack. Thank You God for another year with our precious boy and for the lessons you've taught us. Thank you for the harrowing and painful experiences of life to draw us out of our delusion of our culture of wealth and prosperity. Thank God for His perfect gift Jesus Christ. Our refuge and our strength.
